She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
