Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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