i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
