How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
