It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
