Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Actions speak louder than pants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
