Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My ATM looks so different sober.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
