8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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