My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
