So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
