i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
