How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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