I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
