i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
