Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
