how can u be prego again
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
