well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
