But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
