is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
