Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
