You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
