I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
