I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
