every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
