My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
