Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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