the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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