I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't think brook has ever known best
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
