hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
