Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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