and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
