i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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