Buhtt sex?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
