So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
