my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
