Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
