So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
