someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
