She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
