that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
