im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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