we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
