normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
