if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
