my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
