Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
