I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
