Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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