i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
