Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
