Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
