mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
