I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
