so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
