Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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