What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
