dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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